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Welcome to the Private Membership of The SBI: Special Smiles Unit.

Specifically Reserved for Convicted Smile Felons seeking a New Smile-dentity and have absolutely no intention of returning back to their neglectful smile ways.

 

Usual Smile Suspects get their smiles locked- up.  Get released, and never return. 

But The Smile Cartel

You got a taste of what it feels like to smile freely again and

You now give a hot damn about your oral care. 

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Smile Cartel Members  become guiltier. 

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But guilty of notorious new smile crimes like: 

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• Grand Theft Attention

• Smiling Under The Influence

• Murdering Insecurities 

• Breaking Necks

• Repeat Possession of ICE

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LIFE is for the Repeat Offenders.

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The ones who understand that getting the new smile was only the beginning.

Maintaining it is where it gets tricky.

Protect it.

Accessorize it.

Upgrade it.

And occasionally commit another completely unnecessary Smile Crime just because you can.

We understand. The SBI has a soft spot for smile criminals.

We LOVE to see your guilty smile coming.

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So while serving LIFE, your smile remains under our:

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PROTECTIVE CUSTODY PROGRAM™

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Consider your old smile officially in witness protection.

Your new Smile-dentity has taken over.

And we're going to help protect it by giving you:

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💎 Access to our Undercover Task Force

There are Smile Operations usual suspects DO NOT have access to.

These are cases that are reserved for and under the strict confidentiality of our Undercover Task Force.

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🍸 Priority Lock- Ups

Cartel Members get special Prison Privileges. 

Get preferred access in case of smile emergencies. 

First Call for eligible appointment openings, private operations, limited case calls and special lock-up opportunities before they're released to the general population.

Because when a Repeat Offender wants back inside...we make room.

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💳 Access to The Fair Bond Program with our Smile Bail Bondsman

Your bank account has to stop determining whether you have a smile you love to look at in the mirror.

Sometimes your smile bail might come out a little high.. And not to mention the thought of paying it all at once.

Smile Felons have access to special rates per service listed on our Plea Deals list— designed to make your approved sentencing more manageable.

Because sometimes justice requires...negotiation and lower bail amounts at all times. 

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🗂️ House Arrest Products

Can't report to Corrections every time your smile starts acting up?

That's what House Arrest is for.

LIFE Convicts get access to our collection of approved at-home smile maintenance products and accessories designed to help keep your Smile-dentity together between lock-ups. And sometimes they are complimentary. Sent home by surprise. 

Your bathroom becomes a satellite smile correctional facility.

Act accordingly.

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🕰️ 24/7 Password Access

No waiting for drops.

No chasing the codes. 

No requesting bookings. 

Members NEVER wait outside for access to anything.​

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📱 Membership App (Your Smile Rehab Simplified)

Book Your Smile Lock Ups Instantly.
Check access.
Use your Smile Cash.
Everything handled quietly in one place.

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💸 Smile Cash (Referral and Loyalty Points)

When someone you love gets booked. You're now their Informant and Guilty again by association. 
We add Smile Cash to your books to be used towards your own Smile Bail, Lock-ups or at The Commissary. 

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📞 Personal Dispatch Line for Quick Booking & Emergencies

Because sometimes you don’t need an app. You need a Hotline.
You just need service. Quickly.

One line. At your fingertips.
27/5.

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🎟️ Visitor's Pass to give to New Suspects

Know someone who desperately needs a new smile?
Someone you trust?
Get them booked At Your Discretion.  Under your Listing on the docket. 

Choose wisely. ​​​

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